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Does it matter?

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GOODBYE [14 Dec 2005|12:12am]
I left comments of my new name on just about everyones pages.
if you didn't get a comment
chickenwing987654321@yahoo.com
and i'll e-mail it back.
talk about needing privacy.
i'm sick of UNWANTED people.

goodbye lovers.
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Disregard the bells [29 Nov 2005|08:54pm]


From here on out, everything will be friends-only.
i know i do this alot, but for real this time. &
you don't have to comment to be added like the picture says. Just add & be added.
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[25 Sep 2005|08:05pm]

This weekend sucked. I don't even want to go into details. Because it's just one big annoyance. I don't like college. I don't want to do this anymore. I can't wait until i go home this weekend. Maybe I can get bit my a mosquito and catch triple e, first it was west nile, now it's triple E. i'll take what i can get.

 

 

4 comments|post comment

i hate this lj now. [21 Sep 2005|06:44pm]

Shifted plates in the earth. Shifting winds in the atmosphere. My friends come to my room quite a bit now. Because they think my roommate is really cute and funny. Whenever they leave my roommate asks where they are going. Its weird, having my friends be so involved with my roommate.

Sam and I are Freshman Senators. We applied, and then interviewed and made the cut with 5 others. I wonder what we all had that got us picked. Because i thought it was a bit weird.But either way i'm involved in something big. Pretty rad i think.

Last night Nik painted my nails. I feel more like myself with them red. I had to peer edit some girls paper today in english. I hated it. It was a horrible paper and her grammar (the SIMPLE kind) was awful. It hurt to read. But i lied and told her it was really good because i hate peer editing and i just wanted to finish reading my book.

3 comments|post comment

[20 Sep 2005|12:03am]

Tonight was wikid awesome.
lying on the pavement, underneath a huge tree full of leaves, i realized i can be okay on my own. I don't need the unstoppable, unbreakable friendship. I've never had it before so i really shouldn't count on it. I also learned things about an old friend tonight. It hurt, but it's okay because we share a past. The end.

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[18 Sep 2005|11:29pm]

I LOST 15 FUCKING POUNDS BITCHES!

my roomate barely weighs 100. but she is barely 5ft tall and a gym + heath fiene.I eat like a cow, and i lost weight. I win.

3 comments|post comment

[11 Sep 2005|04:40pm]
i'm not homesick. i miss my dog like crazy. i miss hanging out with my parents, and the random raps me and my brother did.

but i'm perfectly okay here too. i like my alone time though and im finding it very hard to get here. i feel sick all the time because i cant ever just chill out in my room.
5 comments|post comment

[10 Sep 2005|12:08am]
I feel slightly uncomfortable writing on livejournal again. I hit phases. I try paper journals and it never works. I did xanga for a few years and livejournal before that. i did other things too, but none of them last. for some reason i always just hit a wall. And i think i've hit one here.
3 comments|post comment

[03 Sep 2005|10:09pm]

Tonight i saw a shooting star for the first time ever. I was surrounded by amazing people.

3 comments|post comment

wake me up [03 Sep 2005|12:49am]

Everything changes. People i used to dislike- i love, people i used to love- i dislike. Everything changes. It's healthy. It hurts. It gets better.

The other night i was so distraught and emotional and upset. Michelle was willing to stop everything and come over to be with me and calm me down. I declined because just having her say that, and knowing she really would do it, made things slowly fade to better. I miss her and she hasn't been gone that long. I just miss being M & M. She is back in her niche, in boston. And sunday i leave for salem.

I assumed packing for college would be difficult. It's not so bad. The hardest part is coming to terms with the people i'll be saying goodbye to. It's not like i'm saying goodbye forever. But there is always the possibility that things could change, and it really was the last goodbye. There is so much of me in Wareham, and all i want is to runaway from it. I'm finally getting out of here. Although, I'm not really sure what it is here that i hate so much.

4 comments|post comment

[02 Sep 2005|04:22pm]
I feel weird.
2 comments|post comment

[31 Aug 2005|04:17pm]
yeah. gas prices are way up. PEOPLE ARE DEAD. new orleans and surrounding places are disease breeding ground. thus, the destruction of the usa.
not entirely, but sky high gas prices arn't the worst. you could be dead instead. or missing a loved one in the wake of katrina.
3 comments|post comment

[28 Aug 2005|09:24pm]

Tomorrow is my orientation. We had sundaes for dinner tonight. The lead singer of the killers is hot.

5 comments|post comment

[28 Aug 2005|12:01am]
i start off really cool
and
then you speak
and
i am back to no one
no one
no body
nothing
1 comment|post comment

don't distress the rock of fury PLEASE. [25 Aug 2005|10:34am]

I had this amazing dream. I didn't want it to end. My brother had this huge amazing supply of weed. And he gave me some, it was powerful shit. I had my purple pouch from back in the day, and i filled it, and toted it around in my pocket. I was so excited. Its smell was over bearing everything, but no one seemed to notice or care. I was trying to find some one to smoke with. I'm not sure who was there with me, but i know none of my "friends" wanted to do it. They just didn't understand the potential of the night. In the end i smoked with my brother and we went into this great haze. It must have been laced or just trippy in my dream cause it was like a good acid trip for sure. We laughed the whole night and had the best time doing nothing. I'm pretty sure my cousin Marybeth was with us and it was just spectacular. I can't even explain the greatness of this dream. The feelings i had almost make me want to start up the short habit again. I just couldn't get over the relationship i had aquired with my brother and Marybeth. It was like we were bonded and nothing could seperate us. We were on top. And sure it was the hippie trippy weed that fused us together.

I guess i just need that connection with someone. I havn't had it in a long time. Years. I'm such a sucker for friendship. and dreams. I can't get over how good this dream was. Even if it did involve drugs.

3 comments|post comment

why do you cancel everything that matters. [24 Aug 2005|06:44pm]

My journal is Friends-Only. This means if you would like to read all of it, you must let me know. Comment here or something.

 

Peace.

13 comments|post comment

i am jealous of your non lesbian affair of incredible one night stand love. [23 Aug 2005|08:42pm]

so the other day, yesterday. i told my therapist about my attempt at becoming superficial.and how i wanted to be seen only on the surface. she looked at my like i had 6 heads. i still don't think she grasped it. and i can tell when she's feeding me lines of theraputical bullshit. And she thinks that during school i should keep in contact with emails, since i wont call her, that it will actually do me any good. I dont know. i think i need a more solid reassurance.

dustywishes has the best style ever. i want to steal all of her clothing and her hair. and accessorie, sunglasses including. ahem, the end.

5 comments|post comment

[22 Aug 2005|11:18pm]
i met a woman who was backpacking. she was amazing.

i hurt alot of people around me.
but it hurts me too.
i wonder if whatever the pain i was feeling, was bad enough to make me hurt the people i care about.
or if i really am just a bad person.
the possibilities are endless.
thus i need to get away from everything and everyone and reevaluate myself, and them.

physical pain has never amounted to my emotional pains, and i am disgusted that i ever thought i could balance it out. Even now as i say that, i still get the urge. Bad habits never die easy.

if only there were reasons.
3 comments|post comment

she likes to fry her mind with words in a book [21 Aug 2005|10:19pm]

i dissolved into the rug today. i didn't do it harshly. i did it properly. i puffed and puffed and puffed some more and held my breath until my cheeks burst.and then i melted. and my each part of my body seperated into a pixel. just like the picture of michelle on her wall in college. one by one i melted way down into the fibers. and if i could stay there forever in the soft part of the balloon. I certainly would. After all nothing around here is worth anything else.

1 comment|post comment

I'm dreaming hard. Leave the men alone. They love. More then you. [18 Aug 2005|11:03pm]

When i'm on the computer, i squint really bad.

I'm tired of hate crimes. I want to clean this world up. I want all people no matter what to just live happily and together in peace. And i want to find a cure for Cancer and AIDS asap.

4 comments|post comment

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